Utopia

Tomorrow when I wake up, the world will be changed.

So, I desperately cling to today. Today I stand under the bridge, after a year. It’s been a year since we said our goodbyes. It’s been a year since we laughed. It’s been a year since I smiled. It’s been a year since I lived.

I look around. I see the silent graves – the graves of our memories. I hear our hushed laughs and cries. I feel somber souls lurking around. One day all will be grazed to the ground. One day no one will remember us. But today, today I want the world to know we were here. That, Ronnie and Ava were here. They were here, and they lived. They lived in every flake of snow, in every drop of rain, in every dance of the wind.

I lie down on the grass. Darkness has shrouded over- not even flickering stars shining to fight the mighty darkness. I think about the times that have gone forever, the memories that disappeared, and the feelings that will never be mine again. I let go of a sigh.

In your journey, you come across wandering souls. Some, you just pass by. Some become your fellow traveler, cross roads together and then bid their farewells. But a few – a few you come across whose heart beat as one with yours. Your eyes meet, a few glances stolen, a few laughs shared, and your souls resonate.

Love. It is the most humane, most innocent emotion. It is exhilarating – yet excruciating, blissful – yet agonizing; but then love is the most magical fairy tale of our life. Like all fairy tales, love creates a wonderland. A land where we meet our prince charmings and sleeping beauties. And thus begins the epic tale which promises a happily ever after.

Once upon a time, I was in this wonderland. Once upon a time, I found love. Once upon a time I had the dream of sailing into the sunset – together.

But then began the age-old clash of realism and magic. No spell was strong enough to defeat the demons of reality and my promise land came crashing down. It’s been a year since I am on exile. It’s been a year of oblivion.

Over the last year, I have grasped on to our memories. In the darkness of nothingness, they were my rays of hope. Little did I know that I was building my own hell. A hell where I would burn my soul every day in search of hope. Little did I know that I was losing my soul, bit by bit, every day.

Now, though the moments come to my mind, I see no one in them. I can feel the snow on my face, the warmth of the sun, the chilly winds. And yet, I do not find Ava, or me. All I see is a silhouette, from far. I see the silhouette sailing into the sunset – alone.

Today is the day I banish my hell. Today is the day I let go. Today is the day I should walk away from the magic. Today is the day when I grasp my memories, for the last time. Today is the last day of my oblivion.

Tomorrow, when I wake up, I will be free. Tomorrow, when I wake up, the world will be changed.

Image by Mali Maeder.